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  • Writer's pictureNina Jares

Vaginismus/Pain During Intercourse: What You Can Start TODAY to End Your Vaginismus - PLUS the Crucial Next Step in Your Journey (Not Pelvic Floor Exercises)

Vaginismus, or painful intercourse, is a common but often misunderstood and therefore mistreated sexual dysfunction characterized by involuntary spasms of the pelvic floor muscles when attempting vaginal penetration. These spasms can occur during intercourse, when using tampons, or during gynecological examinations. The good news is that vaginismus is very treatable.

Woman* practicing a breathing exercise for vaginismus
Woman* inhaling sensually with hand on chest

What you can do today

For many women, patience is the biggest challenge when it comes to finding a way out of vaginismus. The more pressure you put on yourself, the longer it takes for noticeable changes to occur. The reason for this is that the cramps are often a protective mechanism of the body that wants to give the mind and soul time to want too. So when these three components - BODY, MIND and SOUL - are in harmony, the positive changes begin.

So it's important to stay calm when your head tells you to speed up and see results quickly. For example, choose one of the following mindfulness exercises and practice it every time you feel self-doubt, blame or a feeling of competition.

  • 5,4,3,2,1 - Grounding

You can find the poster to print and the instructions here

  • Breathing exercise

E.g. breathe in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, breathe out for 8 seconds

  • Circling your head

Slowly move your head back and forth. It's impossible to think of anything else. Try it now.

What you can do from now on

To end vaginismus/pain during intercourse, it is important to create a positive mindset around your own body. From now on, you can consciously make contact with your body once a day. Remember the three components from the first section - body, mind and soul. This part of the exercise is dedicated to the body.

When you think about your body, start each thought with the following statement:

"Today my body feels like xxx." For xxx, you use what you feel at this exact moment every day.

Avoid using content that is based on experiences from the past, as these do not necessarily apply to today. The magic formula lies in the word "today". This will give your feelings, attitudes and ideas a fresh and new space. In order to make changes possible, it is a basic requirement. Always feel inside yourself anew and consciously perceive every change, no matter how small. If you like, write or draw your thoughts down.

The best starting exercise to overcome vaginismus

What motivates you to overcome vaginismus/pain during intercourse? I often hear from women that they want to get rid of vaginismus so that, for example, intercourse in the relationship goes smoothly or tampons can be inserted without problems. But the body is not always influenced by such motives because they offer no immediate benefit to the body. The motivation should be something that has an irresistibly positive effect on yourself. For some women, for example, this is the idea of finding a feeling of well-being in their own body and sharing this positive body feeling with someone else. To find and develop your individual motivations, counseling, journaling or a good conversation with a friend can be helpful. An exercise that can work wonders in parallel is the following:

Exercise: Connecting with your vulva

Go to a place where you feel comfortable and undisturbed and lie on your back. It is best to wear comfortable and light clothing. Start listening to your body while your mind slowly moves from your head to the center of your body.

Be aware of your vulva and allow space for any thoughts that arise. There are no wrong thoughts, only those that do not need to be judged.

Step 1 : Stay right here and listen to what your core is telling you. You can stay as long as you like, even days or weeks.

Step 2 : Put your hand on your vulva and establish a personal connection with it. What is it telling you? What do you want to tell it? How is it feeling today? What sensations does it awaken in you? Again, you can stay here as long as you like.

Step 3 : Start a conversation with her and ask questions: "What do you like? What bothers you? How can I be there for you? What do you want from me?"

When you seek contact with your vulva, many things happen:

  • You come into direct contact with the location of your obstacles.

  • You gain access to the center of your body.

  • You learn to pay attention to your body’s needs.

  • You respect your own boundaries.

  • You don't judge, you accept.

  • Your body awareness improves.

  • You overcome possible shame or taboos.

  • You strengthen your emotional well-being.

  • You become the mediator between your body and your feelings.

If this seems too abstract, I'm happy to explain it in more detail.



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